Hello, New York! I'm Bobby Rydell. And I'm glad to be here.
Thank you all for coming to see us tonight. It's Saturday Night at the Copa!
We think you're gonna have a great time tonight.
We're gonna do our best to make sure of that.
As always, a very special thanks to Mr. Jules Podell for having us out.
Let's get started.
♪ That old black magic has me... in its spell ♪
♪ That old black magic that you... weave so well ♪
♪ Those icy fingers up and down my spine ♪
♪ The same old witchcraft when your eyes meet mine ♪
♪ I love 'em so! ♪
♪ Yeah. That same old tingle... that I... feel inside ♪
♪ And then that elevator... starts its ride ♪
♪ Down and... ♪
Hello, sweetheart.
Here's my coat.
And you see this here hat?
I want you to guard it with your life.
- It was a gift from my mother. - Yes, Mr. Loscudo.
Here, that's for you.
Thank you, sir.
Gio!
- Hey, Carmine! How are you, pally? - Good to see you.
Oh, thank you! That's unnecessary.
Come on, let's go. On the album.
I saw this kid, Bobby Rydell, two and a half years ago,
South Philly. Nobody knew who he was.
They know him now.
Hey!
Gimme Loscudo's hat.
- But he said to guard it... - I know, I heard. Give it to me, alright?
C'mon.
♪ Yeah, I should stay away but what can I do? ♪
♪ I hear your name and I'm aflame ♪
♪ Aflame with such a burning desire ♪
Tony Lip!
♪ Well. Now, you're... the lover I have... waited for ♪
♪ The mate... that fate had me created for ♪
♪ And every time, your lips meet mine ♪ Yow!
You put your hands on me, you punk?
Do yourself a favor. Go home with your friends.
You don't tell me where to go! You know who I am?! I'm goin' back in there!
♪ Oh, yeah! I love that thing ♪
♪ Oh, black magic... ♪
♪ that I love... ♪
You tell, Jules Podell! If I don't get my hat, I'm gonna burn this joint down!
- You hear me?! - Gio, it's gonna turn up. I swear to God, it's gonna turn up.
Really?! You tell that fat Jew bastard. I don't get my hat, I'll burn the Copa down!
I'm gonna have to go back to driving garbage trucks.
Jesus Christ!
Loscudo's out of his mind.
We earned our money tonight.
Lip, I thought you were gonna kill that guy.
Yeah?
Better him than me.
So what are you gonna do while we're closed?
I don't know. Maybe, go work at my Uncle's pizza joint.
- You? - I'm gonna drink for 2 months.
Take me home, Lip.
See you, Carmine.
- No! You shouldn't. That should not happen. - Look, I don't wanna be a...
My hat!
Heard it was missing, so I looked into it.
- I wanted to kill that broad. - No. No. Wasn't her fault.
Who had the balls to clip Gio's hat?
- Don't worry about it, I took care of him. - Yeah, I hope you gave him some beating.
Here, take this. Put it in your kick.
No, no thanks. It was a pleasure, Mr. Loscudo. Really.
Bullshit! Take it.
And from now on, you don't call me, Mr. Loscudo. You hear me?
I'm your pal, Gio.
Good morning.
Good night.
- Come on, Roger! Hit one out! Let's do! - Johnny, quiet! You're gonna jinx it.
Hey, Johnny! Think you can yell a little louder?!
- Maris is up. - Yeah, so am I now.
The hell all you guys doing here?
We came over to keep Dolores company.
Come on!
Come on, Roger! Please!
- I'll walk you out. - Sure.
We need to get back in this ball game. Come on!
Thank you so much!
We got it! We got it! Yeah!
Do it again. Let's do it again. Come on, baby!
No, Tony! Go get dressed. We're gonna eat.
Alright!
No game seven. No game seven.
From thy bounty through Christ, our Lord. Amen.
And if anyone hears of a job for Tony, let us know.
- Dolor! Please. - What?
- What happened? Did you get fired? - No.
No. The Copa's closing for repairs, so he just needs something for a couple months.
All the people he knows, he'll find something in no time.
Oh, he had a great job at the sanitation department.
You shouldn't have punched out the foreman.
He shouldn't have woke me up.
That's Tony.
I'm tellin' you, this is gonna be the easiest fifty
- bucks you're ever gonna make. - Yeah, we'll see.
Hey! There they are.
Hi, Johnny.
- Tony! - Hey, Paulie. How you doing?
I'm good, I'm good. So uh, Johnny here tells me
you ate forty-eight White Castle burgers, all in one sitting.
Cheese burgers.
- You tell him, Frankie. - I don't believe it.
What do we care, if you believe it?
Hey, Gorman...
- What's the record here for hot dogs? - Eighteen. Fat Paulie.
- Why wasn't Lip in on that contest? - What contest? I was hungry.
Bet's simple. Half a C-note.
- Most hot dogs in an hour wins. - With toppings.
The hell you weigh?
- Two sixty. - Aaaayy! Your left ass weighs two sixty.
May my mother-in-law drop dead on the spot, if I'm lyin'.
- Alright. You're on. - Good.
Pick it up, Lip! The baby elephant just hit nineteen!
Let's go, Lip! Let's go. Come on.
You're embarrassing. You're embarrassing your son. He is killing you.
- Hey, Nicky. You doing your homework? - Yep.
Good.
- Where've you been? - Gorman's.
I'm making dinner!
Fat Paulie bet me fifty bucks, he could eat more hot dogs than me.
He knocked off twenty four. Guy's an animal.
Are you crazy?
You lost fifty dollars?
Dolores, please.
I ate twenty six.
You are so lucky.
You know that?
Rent is due on Monday.
You're gonna get that?
Yeah?
Hey, Lip. Some guy called over here, a doctor. He's looking for a driver.
- You interested? - Yeah.
They're interviewing guys tomorrow afternoon.
The address is...
Eight eighty one, 7th avenue, two fifteen.
Hey!
- Excuse me. - We're not open right now, but you're
welcome to purchase tickets to tonight's performance.
Nah, that's alright.
I think I got the wrong address, but is there a doctor's office in here?
A doctor's office?
- Dr. Shirley?
You have the correct address. Dr. Shirley lives upstairs, above the hall.
How you doing?
I'm here for the driver job. Tony Lip.
No Tony Lip.
No, I should be on there.
No... Um...
- I have a Tony Val... Valle... - Vallelonga. Yeah, that's me.
- Fill it out while you wait. - What?
Fill it out while you wait.
Have a seat.
Mr. Vallelonga, sorry to keep you waiting.
I'm Dr. Donald Shirley.
- Tony. - Yes. Please sit down.
Some place you got here.
Them horns real?
Elephant tusks. Yes.
What about that?
That a molar?
- A what? - A molar.
Shark tooth.
A tiger's... maybe.
It was a gift.
I thought, uh. I thought, I was going to an office.
They said a doctor needed a driver.
That's all they told you?
- Yeah. - Actually, it's a bit more complicated than that.
Have you ever driven professionally before?
Sanitation. Garbage trucks.
Plus, I drive my boss home at night. But I can drive anything.
Limos, tow trucks,
Snow palms, whatever.
I see. What other experience do you have?
I worked a lot of joints. The Wagon Wheel, Peppermint Lounge, Copa.
- In what capacity? - What do you mean?
- What did you do there? - Ah...
Public relations.
Well. First of all, Tony, I'm not a medical doctor. I'm a musician.
- You mean like songs? - Yes.
I'm about to embark on a concert tour, the majority of which will be down South.
- Atlantic City? - No.
The deep south. First, we're starting in the Midwest and then we're taking a hard left.
Kentucky, North Carolina, Tennessee, and on down through the Delta.
Do you foresee any issues in working for a black man?
No!
No no. Just the other day,
me and the wife had a couple of colored guys over at the house.
For drinks.
Hmm, I see. You're married.
Yeah, two kids.
I'm not sure, this is the proper job for a married man.
Why, we bringing broads?
My point is, you'll be gone for eight straight weeks.
No breaks, right up until Christmas.
You're quite sure, you can leave your family for that long?
Depends what you're paying.
A hundred dollars a week, plus room and board.
But let me be crystal clear... I'm not just hiring a chauffeur.
I need someone who can handle my itinerary. Be a personal assistant. I need a valet.
I need someone who can launder my clothes, shine my shoes...
Good luck, Doc.
Tony.
I had my record label ask around town to find me the right man.
Your name came up more than once.
You've impressed several people with your... innate ability to handle trouble.
And that is why I called and inquired about your availability.
OK, here's the deal. I've got no problem being on the road with you.
But I ain't no butler.
I ain't ironing no shirts, and I'm not polishing nobody's shoes.
You need somebody to get you from point A to point B? You need someone to make
sure there's no problems along the way... And believe me, you in the deep South,
there's gonna be problems.
So if you want me, it's a buck and a quarter, a week.
Or go hire that little Chink that just
pranced out of here, see how far you get.
Well, Mr. Vallelonga.
Thank you for stopping by.
Hey, Bobby.
Give me a Rheingold.
Ice cold.
Mr. Tony.
Augie asking about you.
- Come on, I'm dying of thirst over here! - Shut up! I'm talking.
- When? - Now.
He in his box.
Tony Lip.
What the hell happened at the Copa?
I heard you almost split a guy's face open.
That guy you hit, Mickey Charon.
Part of Charlie the Hand's crew.
Guess he shoulda known better.
Hand asked me to look into it.
I spoke to Podell. Whole thing was a...
over a piece of ass, right?
Yeah.
Beef like that, should never happen inside the club. They were out of line.
So we squashed it.
You looking to earn a little extra scharole?
I can keep you busy while the Copa's down.
What I gotta do?
Things...
Appreciate it, but I'm gonna spend some time with the family.
Don't be stupid. You make yourself a few extra bucks,
you buy something nice, for that pretty little wife of yours.
Nah, I'm good. I'm flushed right now.
Here's fifty. Pay me sixty by New Years, you get it back.
Hey, Lip! Everything OK?
What? You got beak trouble, Charlie?
Mind your business.
So come on. I'm dying to hear what happened with the doctor interview?
He ain't a real doctor, he's a piano player.
But I don't understand, why did they say that he was a doctor?
I don't know. I think he's like a doctor of piano-playing or something.
You can be that?
I guess. He lives on top of Carnegie Hall.
You shoulda seen this place, Dee. It was filled
with statues and all kinds of fancy crap.
And he was sitting on top of a friggin' throne, all
dressed up like the king of the jungle bunnies.
He's colored?
- Then you wouldn't last a week with him. - For the right money, I would.
Yeah.
Oh.
Look, uh...
Really?
OK. OK. Hang on a sec.
It's Dr. Shirley,
the piano guy. He wants to talk to you.
- Me? - Yeah.
What? No!
Come on. Take it.
Just talk.
Hello.
Good morning, Doctor, it's nice to talk to you.
Yes, that is a long time...
It is.
Yes, I'm sure.
Thank you for calling... Bye now.
What'd he say?
He wanted to know if I'd be okay with him taking
my husband away from his family for two months.
He said he'd pay you what you asked for.
- Hey! - Uh huh?
It's good money.
We need it.
I can't be eatin' twenty six hot dogs every day.
I know.
I told him it was okay for you to go.
Alright. Hey, look. So here's the first half of your pay.
You're gonna get the rest when the tour's over.
I gotta get paid every week.
Sorry, that's not how the record company does it.
We gotta have some guarantee you're gonna finish the job.
Why wouldn't I finish the job? I took it, didn't I?
Well, then we got nothing to worry about.
Here's the deal, Mr. Valley-longa.
OK, it's your job to get Don to all his
tour dates on time. Now, if he misses any shows,
- you're not getting your back-end. - He's not gonna miss any show.
Good. Oh, you're gonna need this.
Now, this is the book I was telling you about. Now, sometimes you
guys are staying in the same hotel, sometimes you're not.
- Oh yeah, I know... - Yeah, don't let me down. Let's go.
- Marone! Is this the new one? - Yeah, the record company rented it.
- Nice, huh? - Beautiful.
So what my sister have to say about you being gone for three weeks?
Eight weeks.
Ten-to-one, you slap this moolie out, you come home in under a month.
- Alright, boys. Huddle up. - Say goodbye to your father.
Frankie, Nicky, come here.
- Alright, will you be good boys? - Mhm.
- You'll listen to your mother? - Mhm.
Alright, give me a kiss. I'm counting on this.
- Don't go too far. - We won't.
- Did you go to the AAA for the maps? - Yes, no.
I mean, the record company gave me the maps and the itinerary and this thing.
The Negro Motorist Green Book?
Yeah, it lists all the places coloreds can stay down south. Like, you know,
traveling while black.
Traveling while black?
Yeah, if you're black and you gotta travel, for some reason.
They had a special book for that?
I guess.
Did you pack the iron?
- I ain't lugging no iron, Dee. - How are you gonna press your pants?
I'll put 'em under the mattress.
I want you to write me a letter
- every chance you get. - I can't write letters.
- Yes, you can. - I can't write.
- Take you five minutes. Promise me. - It's embarrassing.
They ain't gonna be no good.
It's a lot cheaper than calling long distance, Tony.
Promise me, you're gonna write.
I promise.
Here... Put this in the bank today.
It's half my pay.
Oh, here is a couple of sandwiches for you and Dr. Shirley.
Thanks.
- Be careful. - I will.
- I love you. - I love you too, baby.
You better be home for Christmas or don't come home at all!
I got it, pop. I got it.
Hey! I'm Tony.
The driver. Bum a smoke?
Thanks.
So you're the band?
Oleg. Cello.
George. Bass.
And we're not a band, we're a trio.
Oh, a trio.
Right.
- Good morning. - Good morning.
Thank you, Amit.
Have a wonderful trip, sir.
Tony, the first thing I'd like you to do, when we arrive in the city...
is check the piano where I'm playing, make sure it's a Steinway as per my contract.
And can you see to it, that there's a bottle of Cutty Sark in my room.
Every night.
Every night?
Well, if you ever need any help with that...
I won't.
Ten-and-two on the wheel, please.
Hey, Doc.
I noticed on the itinerary thing,
last show's on the 23rd December.
- Right? - Birmingham, yes. It's a Christmas show.
So, any way we could, maybe hit the road early next
morning, so we could be home in time for Christmas Eve?
We'll see.
Appreciate it.
Could you put out the cigarette please?
Why?
I can't breathe back here.
What are you talking about? Smoke's going into my lungs. I'm doing all the work here.
Thank you.
What are you looking at?
- You speak German, huh? - That was Russian.
Yeah, I was stationed in Germany, in the army.
I can pick up a little bit of what you're saying there.
Watch out for them Krauts.
They're all snakes.
Kennedy shoulda bombed 'em when he had the chance.
Plus, now them Cuban bastards.
Ain't they supposed to be following us?
They have the itinerary. As long as they get to the
show on time, I am not worried about it and neither should you.
I ain't worried about nothing.
Fact, when you see me worried, you'll know.
- You'll know if I'm worried. - Tony. How about some quiet time?
Sure.
It's amazing you said that.
How about some quiet time?
Dolores, my wife, used to say that all the
time. Well, not all the time, but you know...
She says it when I come home from work sometimes,
you know, she's been with the kids all that day.
And she'll say, Tony... How about some quiet time?
Exactly, like how you said it.
I mean, it's amazing.
How was that?
Salty.
Have you ever considered becoming a food critic?
No... Not really.
Why? Is there money in it?
I'm just saying, you have a marvelous way with words when describing food.
"Salty".
So vivid. One can almost taste it.
Hey. I'm just saying, it's salty.
And salt's cheating.
Any cook can make things salty. But to make it
taste good without the salt, with just the other flavors.
That's the trick.
- When you take the basic ingredients. - We should really get going soon, if we expect to get to Pittsburgh by dinner.
Hey, when I was in the army,
I knew a guy from Pittsburgh.
Except he called it Tits-burgh.
'Cause he said, all the women there had huge tits.
That's absurd.
Why would women in Pittsburgh have larger breasts, than say, women in New York?
Guess we'll find out, huh?
You know, when you first hired me,
my wife went out and bought one of your records. The one about the orphans.
Orphans?
Yeah. Cover had a bunch of kids sitting around a campfire?
Orpheus.
Yeah.
Orpheus in the Underworld. It's based on a French Opera.
And those weren't children on the cover.
Those were demons in the bowels of hell.
No shit. Must have been naughty kids.
- What are you doing? - I gotta take a leak. Doc.
- Here? Now? - You want me to piss my pants?
Oh, hey Doc. Good afternoon.
Take this for any incidentals we may need.
If you want to buy something, you don't have to ask, just keep the receipts please.
When it runs low, let me know.
Oh, thanks.
One more thing.
We will be attending, many events before and after the concerts...
interacting with some of the wealthiest and most highly-educated people in the country.
It is my feeling that your diction,
however charming it may be in the tri-state area, could use some...
finessing.
You mean diction, like in what way?
Like in the only way the word is ever used.
Okay.
Your intonation, inflection, your choice of words.
Hey, I got my own problems. Now, I gotta worry about
what people think about the way I talk?
There are simple techniques I can teach you that are quite effective. I can help you.
I... I don't need no goddamn help.
People don't like the way I talk, they can go take a shit.
- The profanity is another issue. - A fanabla, why you breaking my balls?
Because you can do better, Mr. Vallelonga.
Which brings me to one more point.
As the guest of honor, I will be introduced when entering
these intimate events. You will be introduced as well.
In my humble opinion,
Vallelonga may be difficult to pronounce.
So, I was thinking...
Valle would be more appropriate. Tony Valle.
Short and sweet.
Nah!
If they got a problem with Vallelonga, they can call me Tony Lip.
These are genteel people. Tony the Lip may be a little...
worldly for them.
Well, then it's Tony Vallelonga.
All these high-class people, so much smarter than me, with their
intelligence and speaking abilities. You're telling me, they can't pronounce my name?
They don't like it, they can shove it up their ass, I'll just wait outside.
A sound compromise.
Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we are
privileged to present a great American artist.
He gave his first public performance at the age of three.
At age eighteen, at Arthur Fiedler's invitation,
our guest made his concert debut with the Boston Pops.
He holds Doctorates in Psychology, in Music, and in the Liturgical Arts
and he has performed at the White House twice in the past fourteen months.
He is a true virtuoso.
Virtuoso... that's Italian.
Means he's really good.
So ladies and gentleman, please welcome The Don Shirley Trio!
- Hey, it's your dice. I'm just having a lucky night. - You cheatin', bruh
Tony.
Boss man's calling.
He ain't my boss. I work for the record company.
Yeah, I work for the record company, too.
Hey! Come on, man! Hey, give us a chance to win back our loot! Huh?
I'm sorry, fellas. Duty calls!
Duty calls?
My man, my duty is getting my money back.
I've been looking for you.
Yeah, sorry. The guys were having a little game.
Next time you need extra money, you just ask me.
More fun winning it.
And what if you lost?
Craps and cards. I don't lose, Doc.
I don't lose.
So stooping down in the gravel, pitching dice for pocket change makes you a winner?
What are you giving me shit for? Everybody was doing it.
They didn't have a choice whether to be inside or out.
You did.
And wipe off your knees, you have dirt on them.
Dear Dolores... How are you? I am fine...
I'm eating real good, hamburgers mostly.
So don't worry about me not eating good.
I saw Dr. Shirley play the piano. Tonight.
He don't play like a colored guy. He plays like Liberace, but better.
He's like a genius, I think.
When I look at him in the rear-view mirror,
I can tell he's always thinking about stuff in his head.
I guess, that's what geniuses do.
But it don't look fun to be that smart.
I miss you very very much.
- Who is this? - Who?
On the radio?
Lil' Richard.
Really? That's Little Richard?
Yeah. Think you could play something like that, Doc?
I don't know. Sounds fairly complicated.
Got that right.
So where did this “Tony the Lip” moniker come from?
It's not Tony "the" Lip.
It's Tony Lip. One word.
I got it when I was a kid 'cause my friends
said I was the best bullshit artist in the Bronx.
- Why are you smiling? - What do you mean?
It doesn't bother you that your friends,
the people closest to you, consider you a liar?
Who said liar? I said bullshit artist.
- Then what's the difference? - 'Cause I don't lie. Ever.
I'm just good at talking people into, you know, doing things they don't wanna do.
By bullshittin' them.
And you're proud of that?
Well, it got me this job.
Wait a minute, you're full of shit! You never heard of Chubby Checker?
Of course, I've heard of him. I've just never heard his music before.
But I like this. This is nice.
He's got a silky voice... very smooth.
Yeah, he's terrific.
This is what everybody is dancing to now.
Eyes on the road, Tony.
You know this song.
- I don't think so, no. - How could you not know this music?
Aretha Franklin.
Chubby Checker, Lil' Richard, Sam Cooke.
I mean. Come on, Doc. These are your people!
- You want anything? I'm gettin' a pack of smokes. - No, thank you.
Nice turn, Mike. Way to mix it up.
Got you an apple, Doc.
Before we pull out, Tony. We need to have a talk.
- Yeah? - Oleg told me what you did.
What I do?
You stole a jade stone from the store.
- No, I didn't. - He watched you do it.
I didn't steal no stone.
You picked it up and put it in your pocket.
I picked up a rock up off of the ground. I didn't steal from a box.
Then, why would you pick up a rock off the ground?
I don't know.
'Cause that ain't stealing. It's just a regular rock.
Now, why would you want a regular rock?
To have.
- For luck, maybe. - A lucky rock.
- Yeah. - Let me see it.
Take it back and pay for it.
I told you that Kraut was a sneak. Rats me out for something I didn't even do.
Pay for the stone, Tony. You'll feel better.
I feel fine.
And I ain't paying for no regular rock I found in the dirt.
Do not drive, Mr. Vallelonga.
Put it back.
- Feel better? - No.
If you'd like, Tony, I'd happily buy you the stone.
Don't bother. You took all the fun out of it.
Excuse me, sir.
- I'm with the band. - You're all set up.
- This isn't the piano, right? - That's it.
It ain't a Steinway.
So what?
Dr. Shirley only plays on Steinway-brand pianos. It's in his written contract.
- Who's Dr. Shirley? - Dr. Shirley...
the Don Shirley Trio.
They're playing tonight.
- Does it really matter? - Yeah, it does. It's in his contract.
Come on, man. Man, these coons can play on anything you put in front of them.
But it's a piece of shit.
And there is garbage in there.
- So, take it out. - What'd you say?
You heard me.
Hey, you got 2-3 hours. Just get a clean Steinway in here.
- Oh, there ain't a Steinway on campus. - Not my problem.
I bet, there is not two Steinways in the whole state of Indiana.
I guess, you better move your ass then.
Who do you think you're talking to, grease ball?
Dear Dolores... This morning I had steak and eggs, for breakfast.
The band has been playing at very ritzy joints.
Dr. Shirley and I are getting along pretty good, but sometimes
I think he gets sad and that's why he drinks too much.
I never knew how very beautiful this country was. Now that I'm seeing it, I know.
You wouldn't believe how beautiful nature is, it is as beautiful as they say.
And the traffic out here in the country is nothing, which is fine by me.
Right now, I'm eating spaghetti and meatballs in a
diner that tastes like ketchup on Chinese noodles.
We are heading down south now. I will write you
another letter when we get down south. I love you.
Your husband, Tony. P.S., kiss the kids for me.
You got any family, Doc?
- Not really. - Not really?
Either you do or you don't.
It's a long story, Tony.
What? We're in a hurry, now?
Let's hear it.
I have a brother somewhere.
We used to get together once in a while, but it
got more and more difficult to stay in touch.
Curse of being a musician, I guess.
Always on the road,
like a carnival worker...
or a criminal.
Took quite the toll on my marriage, as well.
- You're married? - Was.
June, good person.
Terrible grammar, but a kind soul.
- You'd quite like her. - June?
Like, uh? Like Lassie's mom.
Unfortunately, I couldn't do a husband act and a concert pianist act.
Couldn't seem to manage both worlds.
Kentucky Fried Chicken.
In Kentucky! When's that ever gonna happen?!
- Hey, you want some? - I'm fine. Thank you, Tony.
I think, this is the best Kentucky Fried Chicken I ever had.
But I guess it's fresher down here, right?
I don't think I've ever met anyone with your appetite.
No, I bought the bucket, so you could have some.
I've never had fried chicken in my life.
Who you bullshittin'? You people love the fried chicken, the grits, and the colored greens.
I love it, too.
The negro cooks used to make it all time, when I was in the army.
You have a very narrow assessment of me, Tony.
Yeah, right? I'm good.
No. No, you're not good, you're bad.
I'm saying, just because other Negroes enjoy certain types of music,
- It doesn't mean I have to. Nor do we all have to eat the same kind of food. - Oh!
Wait a minute. If you said all guineas like pizza and spaghetti and meatballs,
- I'm not gonna get insulted. - You're missing the point.
For you to make the assumption that every Negro...
- Hey, you want some or not? - No.
Here. Come on.
- Tell me that don't smell good? - It smells okay.
I prefer not to get grease on my blanket.
Ooh, I'm gonna get grease on my blankie. Come on, have a piece.
It ain't gonna kill ya. Come on, take it. Eat it.
- No. - Take it.
- I'm throwin' it in the back. - Don't you dare.
- Then you better take it. - How? Do you have plates or utensils?
Bah fongool! Eat it with your hands,
- that's how you're supposed to. - I can't do that.
Eat it, come on. Take it. I gotta drive. Ten-and-two on the wheel.
Come on. Take it. Take it. Come on.
There you go.
- I can't do this, Tony. - Eat the goddamn thing.
Jesus.
What, no good?
Just seems...
so unsanitary.
Who gives a shit?
Just relax and enjoy it.
You know, my father used to say.
Whatever you do, do it a hundred percent.
When you work, work. When you laugh, laugh.
When you eat, eat like it's your last meal.
You want another piece? Here, have a breast.
Delicious.
Take it. There you go.
What do we do about the bones?
We do this.
This is what we do.
There you go.
What's the big deal, Doc? Squirrels would eat it, anyway.
- Pick it up, Tony. - Nature takes care of the Earth.
- Pick it up! - Ah, jeez.
This can't be right.
Says right here.
Cozy as your own home.
Place looks like my ass.
This is the place.
Square one, please.
- Just this one? - Thank you.
Hey... Uh...
If you need anything, I'll be right up the street at the Easton Inn.
Thank you, Tony.
- Hey Floyd, we ready? - I told ya'll, I can't play. My shoulder.
You and that damn shoulder!
Hey! Hey, fancy-pants, you wanna play?
- I beg your pardon? - Come on brother, we short a man.
Oh, I'd rather not.
What, you too high and mighty?
No. No, let him alone. Let him alone.
He's just afraid of getting that butler uniform a little dusty!
I'm just um...
I'm on my way to meet a friend.
Yeah. Well, thanks for nothing!
- Floyd! Come on, man. - Shut your ass up, man! Leave me alone.
Vacation without aggravation.
Delightful dinners for particular people.
- Yeah? - Get up! It's George. Get up.
Tony, come on. Hurry up!
Dr. Shirley's in trouble.
I went out for a drink, I walk into this bar,
and Dr. Shirley's in there getting bounced around!
I didn't want to leave him, but I didn't know what to do!
Who let him out of his cage? And they put that little tie on him, too.
Hoo, you all dressed up.
Get your hands off him.
What in the good goddamn we got here, fellas?
Hand him over, we walk out, won't be a problem.
I just wanted a drink, Tony.
Hey, I told you, we'll leave. Not a big deal.
Come on.
He ain't going nowhere. We need a Brillo pad to wash these dishes with.
Listen, assholes. Do yourself a favor and let him go.
Now!
Say it nice.
I just said it nice.
This boy is gonna get what he's got coming to him.
And you... you ain't got no say!
Maybe.
But whatever happens here, I'm gonna put a
bullet right in the middle of your thick skull.
He ain't got no gun, Ray.
He's fulla shit.
What if he ain't?
Well, I sure ain't.
And I ain't about to let this come to pass in my place.
Let the spook go. Let him go.
Come on.
Get him outta here.
I want these Yankees off of my property.
- Go home. - Go on, George. Go, go. - I got you, Doc.
Go home.
You out of your mind?
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put you in that position.
Wait, wait, wait.
You gonna throw up again?
I'm OK.
Honest to God, Doc. I don't understand you.
You could have drunk here. You got a whole bottle.
- I just needed some air. - Air?
Do you know where you are?!
Does geography really matter?
- What? - If I was in a bar...
in your neighborhood, would...
the conversation be any different?
From now on, you don't go nowhere without me.
Nowhere!
- Got it? - I understand.
- Where's your room? - Tony.
What?
Do you really have a gun?
'Course not.
Doc, where's your goddamn room?
- There it is. - Come on. Over there?
Let me get to bed, Doc. You got a big show, tomorrow night. C'mon.
Louisville. Thank you for your warm hospitality!
Thank you.
- Don't be lazy, Tony. Enunciate. - I ain't.
- Betty bought a bit of better butter to make her bitter butter better. - Betty bought.
Betty bought... butta-er...
Who says that?
Butta-"er".
you have to start somewhere, Tony.
A singer does vocal exercises, an athlete warms up, before they rehearse.
Athletes practice, they don't rehearse.
Ah, shit!
Ladies and gentlemen, our very special guest from the far north...
Don Shirley!
Accompanying Mr. Shirley, the members of his trio...
Oleg Malakhov, George Dyer, and his associate,
Tony Vallla... Valleg... Valle... Valley... lohnja.
Oh, this is my lovely wife, Margaret.
If you gentlemen don't mind, we're going to steal Donnie away for some introductions.
- What's that? - Pimiento-cheese sandwich, sir.
Yeah, I'll try one of 'em.
Sorry, not for me.
Earlier this week, we asked our help, what Mr. Shirley might like for supper.
So the boys in the kitchen whipped up a special menu, in honor of our guest.
Gentlemen.
Home cooked fried chicken.
There we go. Bring it in. Serve it up hot.
Thank you.
We'll return after a brief intermission.
- Excuse me, Don. Lovely work in there. - Why, thank you!
- Uh, are you looking for the commode? - Yes. - Here, let me help you. It's...
right out there, 'fore that pine.
I'd prefer not to use that.
Well, don't be silly, Don. It looks a lot worse from the outside.
Then I'd suppose, you'd know from experience.
What? Never had any complaints.
Well, I could return to my motel and use the facilities there.
But that would take, at least, a half an hour.
We don't mind waiting.
Why don't I just pull over? You can piss in the woods.
Animals go in the woods.
It's gonna be at least twenty minutes, I gotta
go all the way back to your motel.
So let's just get there, so I can go back and finish the show.
See, that's the difference between you and me.
- I'd have zero problems goin' in the woods. - I'm well aware.
What are you sore at me for? I don't make the rules down here.
No? Then who does?
Oh! You're saying just 'cause I'm white
and they're white? You know, that's a very prejudice thing you just said there.
A very prejudice thing.
I got more in common with the hymies at Second Avenue Deli
than I do with these hillbilly pricks down here.
- Eyes on the road. - You always say that when
- you don't like what I'm saying. - Eyes on the road!
I don't get it.
How does he smile and shake their hands like that?
If they tried to pull that outhouse shit on me,
I'd piss right on the living room floor.
Don't... Don't do that.
We have many concert dates left.
Yeah... So...?
You realize, we are contractually obliged to perform them?
Of course I do.
You don't play, we don't get paid.
What's your point?
Ugly circumstances are going to happen again.
- So control yourself. - Don't lecture me, you rat.
Dr. Shirley could've stayed up north getting
rear-end kissed at Park Avenue parties
for three times money,
but he ask for this.
Why?
What on God's green earth, are you doing?
A letter.
Looks more like a piecemeal ransom note.
May I?
Dear Dolores...
D-E-A-R. This is an animal.
I'm meeting all the highly leading citizens of the town.
People that use big words, all of them.
But you know me, I get by.
I'm a good bullshitter.
Two “t”s in “bullshitter.”
As I'm writing this letter, I'm eating potato chips
and I'm starting to get thirsty.
I washed my socks and dried them on the TV.
- I should have brung the iron. - You know this is pathetic, right?
- Tell me what you're trying to say. - I don't know.
- You know, how I miss her and shit. - Then say that.
But do it in a manner that no one else has ever done it before.
And without the profanity.
Something like... Put this down.
- Dear Dolores... - Hold on, let me grab a new one.
D-E-A-R, Dolores.
When I think of you...
I'm reminded of the beautiful plains of Iowa.
What planes?
The plains. P-L-A-I-N-S. Those big fields we saw.
Oh. Yeah, those were nice. "Plains".
Which... what... they call... big fields... around... here.
Tony, no expounding.
- A what? - Just write what I say.
- Oh, good. - The distance between us...
is breaking my spirit...
between us...
My time and experiences without you, are meaningless to me.
Falling in love with you was the easiest thing I have ever done.
Falling... in love... with you...
is very fucking romantic.
It was the easiest thing I have ever done.
Nothing matters to me, but you.
And everyday I'm alive, I'm aware of this.
I loved you the day I met you, I love you today...
And I will love you, the rest of my life.
- So can I put the “P.S., kiss the kids”? - A P.S.?
Yeah, like at the end.
That's like clanging a cowbell at the end of Shostakovitch's 7th.
Right... and that's good?
It's perfect, Tony.
Everybody talks about Willie Maze, 1954.
He wasn't even the greatest catcher in the polo grounds.
That was Joe DiMaggio, 1936, 2nd game of the World
Series, final out, 500 feet...
You like that, Doc?
- That's a handsome suit. - Sharp.
Guy looks just like you.
He does?
Oh... Size-wise. Yeah!
He's about a forty two.
Why don't you try it on?
What? You gotta wear a tuxedo on stage, every night?
You could mix it up a little, Doc.
Now, see how it looks on you. We got plenty of time.
I'll be right back.
- How you doing? - May I help you, sir?
Yeah, we wanna try on that beautiful grey suit in the window.
- You got it in a 42? - Of course.
- That's the one. - Dressing room's in the back, sir.
Thank you. I'll be just a moment.
Take your time, Doc. I'll check out some ties for you.
Uh, excuse me, you're not allowed to try that on.
I beg your pardon?
Uh... If you'd like to purchase it first, we'd be happy to tailor it to your needs.
I see.
Yeah?
That's me.
Hey, officer. I got a call about Dr. Shirley.
Come on.
His friend's here.
Thank you.
Give the guy a towel, for Christ's sake!
- You a lawyer? - No.
Well, you should call one. We're taking your Auntie in.
For what?
Manager caught him and the other guy...
Well, can we get the cuffs off him? Let him put his pants on? We talk about this?
Sure, we could. But we ain't.
OK, look. We're out of here, tomorrow morning.
You'll never see us again. There's gotta be something we can do to work this out.
What if you let him go, and I give you something to thank you?
- You bribing us? - No. Hell no. A gift.
- A thank you. - What kind of thank you?
Like uh... you know, donation to the police force. To youse guys.
Whatever you want.
You like suits?
I was walking through your nice town today, and I seen a store that was selling suits.
Primo suits.
What if... as a thank you... a donation... I buy youse each a suit?
You get all dressed up, you take the wife out for dinner.
I mean... Guys like you, you work hard, you deserve it.
They were wrong for the way they treated me, and you rewarded them.
I was hired to get you from one show to the next. How I do it shouldn't matter to you.
- I just wish you hadn't paid them off. - I did what I had to do.
You know, if this got out, it would kill your career.
OK, Tony.
I need you to stop it with the phony altruism and concern for my career.
The hell does that mean?
You were only thinking about yourself back there
because you know, if I miss a show, it would come out of your pocket book.
Of course, I don't want you to miss a show, you ungrateful bastard!
You think I'm doing this for my health?
Tonight, I saved your ass, so show a little appreciation, maybe.
Besides, I told you never to go nowhere without me!
I assumed you'd want this to be the exception.
Want me to get some makeup or something, before the show tomorrow?
No, I'm fine.
- You sure? Bruise kinda shows. - I said, I'm fine.
Okay.
Tony Lip?
Dominic. The hell you guys doing around here?
Hey, Brooklyn sent us down... take care of a few things.
I'm working here.
Sorry, Doc. They're some friends from New York.
- Hey, you get Dr. Shirley's luggage? - Alright.
Called his room. He'll be down in a minute.
- Hey, Doc. - Where are you off to?
Just going downstairs... To have a drink.
Tony...
I think you're doing a wonderful job.
So...
I'd like to formally offer you the position of my road manager.
With the title...
it also comes more responsibility, but...
that also means a raise in pay.
No. No. No, thanks.
I mean, we agreed on a hundred and twenty-five a week, plus expenses.
That's our deal. Right?
I ain't goin' nowhere, Doc. I was just goin' down to tell 'em.
Tony...
I'm sorry about last night.
Don't worry about it.
I've been working nightclubs in New York City, my whole life.
I know, it's uh...
complicated world.
So where'd you learn how to play like that?
My mother.
- Your mother... Really? - Mhm
She taught me how to play on an old spinet.
Soon as I could walk.
Travel around the Florida panhandle...
Put on my little shows and perishes in halls...
Fortunately, a man who had seen me play
arranged for me to study at the Leningrad Conservatory of Music.
I was the first Negro ever accepted there.
That's where they taught you, all them songs you play?
Actually, I was trained to play classical music.
Brahms, Franz Liszt, Beethoven, Chopin...
It's all I ever wanted to play.
But I was persuaded by my record company to pursue a career in popular music instead.
They insisted that audiences would never
accept a negro pianist on the classical stage.
Wanted to turn me into just another “colored entertainer.”
You know, the guy who...
smoking while he's playing and sets a glass of whiskey on his piano and then complains
because he's not respected like Arthur Rubinstein.
You don't see Arthur Rubenstein putting a glass of whiskey on his piano.
I don't know...
Personally, I think, if you stuck to the classic stuff, it would've been a big mistake.
A mistake? Performing the music I trained my entire life to play?
Trained? What are you, a seal?
People love what you do.
Anyone can sound like Beethoven or... Joe Pan or them other guys you said.
But your music, what you do...
Only you can do that.
Thank you, Tony.
But not everyone can play Chopin...
not like I can.
The trees have shed their leafy clothing
and their colors have faded to grays and browns.
I saw millions of trees all dusted with snow, just like out of a fairy tale.
Oh, he's so expressive.
Got to admit, Lip's letters...
- They're not bad. - Oh, well! It's in the family.
They say our great, great, great grandfather
helped Da Vinci with the Sixteen Chapel.
You mean Michelangelo?
Right.
What does Michelangelo have to do with writing letters?
- I'm just saying, we're an arty family. - I would count the hours...
minutes... and seconds... until you are in my arms.
Love you, Tony.
P.S., kiss the kids.
- John. - Yeah?
I want a letter.
Yeah, as soon as you make a meal.
Eyes on the road.
Tony.
Alright, everybody! Let's give our finest Louisiana
welcome, to Don Shirley and the Don Shirley Trio!
Your mother's ass... piece of shit.
The hell's this guy doing?
Son of a bitch.
License and papers?
Am I glad to see you.
We had a turn off from main road... and uh, now we're lost.
- Step out of the car. - What I do?
Out of the car.
Why you on this road?
I told you, we had to make a detour and we got lost.
And why you driving him?
He's my boss.
He can't be out here at night. This is sundown town.
What's that?
- Get him out of the car and check his ID - Ah, come on! It's pouring rain, sir.
I can just get it right here, through the window.
Get him out of the car!
- Come on. Get out, now! - Get out, now! Get out!
You got ID?
How you say this last name?
Vallelonga.
'Hell kind of name is that?
It's Italian.
Oh. Oh, I see. That's why you driving him around.
You half a nigger yourself.
Hands in the air, now! Now!
Excuse me.
Excuse me, sirs.
I... I understand why my associate is being held,
but what exactly am I being charged with?
You seem like reasonable men.
Perhaps, you could let me out, so that we could discuss the situation further.
Just put the apple butter away, boy. You ain't goin' nowhere, no time soon.
- You cannot hold me without cause. - Well, I got cause.
'Cause you let the sun set on your black ass!
I want to speak to my lawyer. I want my call!
This is a flagrant violation of my rights!
You know...
He does have uh... rights.
Give the negro his goddamn phone call. You happy?
You know a lawyer? Call him.
As my mother always said, “What kind of brand new fool are you?!”
Look at them over there.
Take a good look at the officer you hit. Look at him.
He's over there having a grand old time, chatting up with his pals,
enjoying a nice cup of coffee. And where are you?
In here, with me, who did nothing.
Yet I'm the one who pays the price.
I'm the one who's gonna miss the Birmingham show.
Hey, I'm gonna lose a lot of money too, if you don't play Birmingham.
So that little temper tantrum... was it worth it?
Hmm?!
You never win with violence, Tony. You only win when you maintain
your dignity. Dignity always prevails.
And tonight, because of you, we did not.
I wouldn't touch that mattress, Doc.
No, sir.
No. No, I'm not, sir.
Yes, sir. He's right here, sir. Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir. - Give me.
Chief Pratt, who's this? Baloney.
Yes, sir.
I can hear it now, Governor.
No, sir. I'm sorry. But of course, I can recognize your voice.
Sir...
You're saying the boy we got locked up, called who?
Oh, and he called you?
No, sir. But an officer was assaulted in the line of...
No, sir. No. I don't want no National Guard coming down here neither, sir.
I'll get to it immediately, Governor.
Good night to you and the missus.
- Get 'em out. - What?!
- Cut 'em goddamn loose. - That dago-wop hit me!
You can keep your goddamn job? Then you do what I
goddamn tell you to do, when I goddamn tell you to do it.
Now, I'm telling you to get 'em the goddamn out.
Who the hell did you call?
Bobby Kennedy just saved our asses! Maddon... How great is that?!
It's not great.
It's not great at all. It's humiliating.
The hell you talking about? We were screwed! Now, we ain't.
And I just put the Attorney General of the United States
- in an incredibly awkward position. - So what?
That's what the guy gets paid for. What else he got to do?
That man and his brother are trying to change this country,
that's what else he got to do!
Now, he thinks I'm some kind of...
Calling from some backwoods swamp jail, asking to attenuate assault charges...
Who does that?
Garbage, that's who.
You shouldn't have hit him.
I didn't like the way he was treating you, making you stand out in the rain like that.
Please, you hit him because of what he called you.
I've had to endure that kind of talk my entire life,
you should be able to take it for at least one night.
What? I can't get mad at that stuff he was saying 'cause I ain't black?
- Christ, I'm blacker than you. - Excuse me?
You don't know shit about your own people!
What they eat, how they talk, how they live.
You don't even know who Lil' Richard is!
Oh, so knowing who Little Richard is, makes you blacker than me?
Oh Tony, I wish you could hear yourself sometimes.
- You wouldn't talk so damn much. - Bullshit.
I know exactly who I am.
I'm the guy who's lived in the same neighborhood in the Bronx, my entire life,
with my mother, my father, my brother, and now my wife and kids.
That's it, that's who I am.
I'm the asshole who has to hustle every goddamn day to put food on table.
You? Mr. Big Shot? You live on top of a castle,
traveling around the world doing concerts for rich people...
I live on the streets, you sit on a throne.
So yeah, my world is way more blacker than yours!
Pull over.
- What? - Pull over.
- I ain't pulling over! - Stop the car, Tony!
What?
What are you doing?!
Doc!
Doc, what the hell are you doing?
Doc, get back in the car.
Yes, I live in a castle, Tony! Alone!
And rich white people pay me to play piano
for them, because it makes them feel cultured.
But as soon as I step off that stage,
I go right back to being just another nigger to them.
Because that is their true culture.
And I suffer that slight alone, because I'm not accepted by my own people,
'cause I'm not like them either!
So if I'm not black enough, and if I'm not white enough,
and if I'm not man enough, then tell me Tony, what am I?!
I need some sleep.
Alright.
I'll stop by the next place we see and I'll sneak you into my room.
No. No. I refuse to stay in an establishment where I'm not welcome.
Yeah. OK.
Tony, do you have to smoke everywhere?
I didn't know, it would bother you.
Should have told me.
All you gotta do is say the word, Doc.
You do realize you'll be home before that letter arrives?
Yeah, I know.
Just thought I'd bring it with me. Save on the stamps.
Alright. Tony, give it here. I'll fix it.
No offense, Doc, but I think I got the hang of it now.
Dear Dolores. Sometimes you remind me of a house.
A house with beautiful lights on it...
where everyone is happy inside.
Yes, Tony! You got it.
Thanks.
Doc, thanks for helping me with uh... the letters.
- You're really good at writing 'em. - My pleasure, Tone.
You know, when you get home. Maybe, you should write... write one to your brother.
He knows where I am, if he ever wants to reconnect.
If... I wouldn't wait.
You know... the world's full of lonely people afraid to make the first move.
Yeah, I'll finish this tomorrow.
You know, Doc. Something's been eating at me this whole trip.
Hmm?
That Tits-burgh was a major disappointment.
I didn't notice any difference at all. Did you?
Good night, Tony.
- Good evening. Welcome. - Welcome. Come on in.
Welcome, Mr. Shirley.
Graham Kindell, I'm the general manager. It is a pleasure to meet you.
Thank you, Mr. Kindell. This is Mr. Tony Vallelonga.
- Nice to meet you, Tony. - How you doing?
Let's keep the car right here, on our guest of honor spot. Right this way, gentlemen.
- Nice. - How was your drive up? - Oh, it was wonderful.
Good to hear, good to hear.
Now, as you can imagine, our Christmas show is our biggest show of
the year and we are so happy to have you here, Mr. Shirley.
So, if you need anything... anything at all... you let me know.
- Oh, thank you. - Now, here we are...
We've got about an hour before show time. Any questions?
Where's the restaurant?
Well, you continue down the hall here, Tony. To the right, across the lobby.
- Good luck! Break a leg. - Thank you.
Well, he said, we've got an hour. You must be starving, Doc.
Go ahead, I'll meet you there.
May we join you?
Get in.
- Cocktail, gentlemen? - I'm good.
- 3 shots Vodka. - Oh!
Last show. Cold war over. Time for truce.
- Is Dr. Shirley in his dressing room? - Yeah.
More like half a broom closet.
Tell you, I don't know how he puts up with that shit.
Six years ago, in 1956,
Nat King Cole was invited to perform at the Municipal Auditorium here in Birmingham.
Mr. Cole was the first negro asked to play at a white establishment in this city.
As soon as he started playing, a group of men attack him
for playing white people's music.
They pull him off stage...
and beat him badly.
Jesus Christ!
You ask me once,
why Dr. Shirley does this?
I tell you.
Because genius is not enough. It takes courage to change people's hearts.
Thanks.
Thank you.
- I understand, but... - What's going on?
This gentleman says that I'm not permitted dine here.
No, you don't understand. He's playing tonight, he's the main event.
I'm sorry, but it is the policy of the restaurant.
- Everything all right? - Uh... No, it's not all right.
This guy is saying Dr. Shirley can't eat here.
Oh. Well, I apologize, but... these are longstanding traditions.
Club rules. I'm sure you understand.
No, I do not understand.
I'm sorry.
Wait a minute, are you tellin' me the bozos
in his band and all these people that came here to see him
play, they can eat here? But the star of the show, the parking spot of honor, he can't?
I'm afraid not.
Well, he's gotta eat. I mean, he's gotta have dinner.
I tell you what. Why don't we bring something to
his dressing room, huh? John, show him a menu.
No. I'm not eating in that storage room.
Okay, uh... Well, if you prefer. There's a very popular
establishment right down the road, the Orange Bird, they'd be happy to feed you.
Doc, come here.
Just one second.
C'mon, maybe that other place is better anyway. I mean, the dinner rolls here are like rocks.
Let's just go over... go over and come back.
It's the last show.
It's the bottom of the ninth. Let's just get it over with
and we can go home, get away from these pricks.
Ah, there you go. The fish is wonderful tonight.
Either I eat in this room, or I'm not performing tonight.
May I have a word with you?
Mr. Villanueva, you have to talk sense to Mr. Shirley. Please make him understand.
We're not insulting him personally, this is just the way things are done down here.
Yeah, well, he's not from down here.
Just... just ask him to be reasonable.
I got 400 guests in there, expecting to be entertained tonight.
And Dr. Shirley expects to eat tonight.
Why can't you just make an exception, this one time?
Lemme tell you a story.
You ever hear of the Boston Celtics basketball club?
- Yeah. - Well, those boys came through here, a couple years ago, on a barnstorming tour.
Seeing as they was the World Champions of the league and all, we were
tickled to have 'em eat here, we rolled out the welcome wagon.
So, do you know what table their big coon ate at that night?
- No. - I don't either,
but it wasn't one of ours. Now, let's cut the bullshit.
Tell me what it's gonna take.
Say a hundred dollars, you get your boy to play?
You think you could buy me?
With all due respect, sir. You wouldn't
be in a job like this, if you couldn't be bought.
Stop! Tony.
It's alright.
I'll play.
If you want me to.
Let's get the fuck outta here.
What do you mean, let's get outta here?
Where the hell, do you think you're going?
Don, don't do this! Now, you signed a contract.
I... I know, you're the kind of man who honors a contract!
Connie. Bill. Everything's going to be fine. It's alright.
You got a show to do, mister! You turn yourself around
Right now, goddammit! Right now!
This is why you people don't work down here. 'Cause you're unreliable!
You hear me? I shipped that goddamn Steinway in from Atlanta for you.
Tony.
Are you hungry?
Does Betty like butta...
-"er"?
- You a cop? - Do I look Irish?
- What you want, baby? - Two Cutty Sarks, neat. -Comin' up.
Whatever your specialty is, we'll take it.
Two orange birds!
I like what you did back there, Doc.
You stood up for yourself.
It's like what your friend, the President said, “Ask not
your country what you could do for it,
ask what you do for yourself.”
So, darlin'.
What you do, all dressed up like that?
Nothing particularly important.
Shouldn't judge a man by his clothes.
He's only the greatest piano player in the world.
That right? You good?
- Don't be shy, Doc. Tell her who you are. - Don't tell me nothing, show me.
Man...
That's how you break a peak.
Oh, that was a good time. I do that once a month, for free.
- You're unbelievable. - Hey, Tony.
I bet if we leave right now, we could make it.
- Make what? - Christmas Eve. In New York City.
Don't ever flash a wad of cash in a bar.
I knew you had a gun!
This could get bad, Doc.
Yes.
It's a shame we don't have something to protect us on our journey.
Oh, I know. Why don't you put your lucky rock up on the dash, Tony?
C'mon, Tony. We need all the help we can get.
Thank you. I feel safer already.
You're a prick, you know that?
Ah, shit!
Goddamn cops.
- What are you doing out here? - We're trying to get to New York.
- Is there a problem, Officer? - Yeah.
I noticed your car was tilting left. Looks like your back tire's flat.
Ah!
Keep it moving, keep it moving.
OK. Be careful, gentlemen.
- Merry Christmas! - Merry Christmas! - Thanks, Officer.
Weather advisory warning this Christmas Eve,
as a major snowstorm is hitting the eastern seaboard.
With the severest weather in eastern Pennsylvania,
northern New Jersey and the five boroughs.
Travelers are advised to stay off the New Jersey Turnpike...
Alright, that's it. We're done. I'm pulling us into the next motel.
- Keep going as long as you can, Tony. - I can't keep my eyes open.
I'm getting hypnotized here.
I think my brain's gonna explode.
Hey. We gave it a shot, Doc.
What are you gonna do?
Alright, the table is set, ladies and gentlemen. Don't run in the house.
Tony. Tony, wake up.
- You alright? - You're home. Get inside.
Goodnight.
Wait, wait. Come up and meet my family.
Merry Christmas, Tony.
Merry Christmas!
Oh! Look who it is, Shakespeare's home! Hey!
Daddy!
He made it back!
- Buon Natale. - Tony, God bless!
- You hungry? - I'm starving.
- Welcome home, Dr. Shirley. - Thank you, Amit.
I turned down your bed, sir. Uh... Shall I unpack your luggage, now?
No, no, please. Go home to your family.
Thank you, sir.
- Merry Christmas, sir. - Merry Christmas!
What? You never kissed me like that, at the table.
Alright, relax. Relax.
So Tony, you alright? You seem a little quiet.
Yeah, nah. I'm just... tired.
Long trip.
You take care of that thing?
- Thanks. - Yeah, you owe me 75 bucks.
Seventy-five? Charlie said sixty.
Oh? I'm doing this for free?
Hey, Tone. Tone. Tell us about the trip. You've been gone two months.
Yeah. How was he, the tootsune? He get on your nerves?
Don't call him that.
Alright.
Tony, you should have seen the day last week, little Frankie
climbed up onto the TV. I took a picture of him, it was so cute.
He was so funny up there.
What are you nuts, Dee? With all the tubes back there, he could've got electrocuted!
What did he break it?
- What are you talking about? - You're thinking of toasters.
You can't electrocuted from a TV set.
- You... you plug the toaster in one... - She's not thinking about a toaster, she's thinking about a TV.
Did she take her kid to the bathtub?
- Charlie? - Hey, Lip. Johnny invited me.
- Oh? Well, come on in. - You remember Marie?
Hey, Marie!
Charlie, you actually came? I was kidding.
With the wife too? Jesus.
- Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas, hello! What a surprise!
Nice to see you.
Everybody. Charlie from the pawn shop!
- Hey! - Didn't bring nothing.
Christmas, can you believe it?
- Chair! Chair! - Sit down. Sit down, sit down.
Doc!
Welcome!
- Hey, everybody... - Stop it, stop it.
This is Dr. Donald Shirley.
Merry Christmas.
Well, come on. Make some room! Get this man a plate!
- Hello! - You must be Dolores.
- Welcome! - Buon Natale.
Thank you for sharing your husband with me.
Thank you for helping him with the letters.
Subtitled by CLARITY. Improved by MeticulousSubs.